Annoying Job Applications (:
1. I am working in XYZ.. NSEZ Noiada. so i am sending cv for networking
(Does that make you eligible to work with Google also? The idea is not clear whether he wants a job .. or he wants networking……
And trust me I have not altered any spelling….. Noiada :) )
2. Kindly find my enclosed resume for your review and i am sure you may help me to find suitable job.
I can be reachable via - +91 0000000000
(Ya, I have recently developed this habit of reviewing resumes at mass scale ...)
3. Dear Sir /madam,
Please find my resume as attachment. Do reply with
good openings.
Profiles preferred Marketing, Marketing Analyst, Coordinator, Research.
Marketing communications , Brand management , Product Management etc.
IT profiles preferred – Business Analyst, Data Analyst, System Analyst, IT Manager,
IT Coordinator, Project manager, Product manager and other Hardcore IT
Profiles.
My education Pursuing training in core Java +Pursuing certification in Project management( PMP)+Pursuing certification in Business Analysis(BCS/ISEB)+ MBA IT(System Management)(AIMA) + MBA Marketing(iMM)
.strictly looking for non-sales profiles
(I need to create a position according to his choices.. New job for me!)
4. I am applying for a suitable post in your company, as I read lot about this company. My profile is networking and i'm good at Linux and had worked as a trainee at ________________. for one and a half month on the VoiP platform. I was their in the support team. As i worked their for very short duration so i did not mention about _________ in my resume. I am a CCNA certified and now seeking job in the field of networking. Please find the attached resume.
(Support team = 1 person .. again his profile is networking.. )
5. Dear Sir/Madam,
This email is in regards to applying job.
I am an MBA student in Telecom Marketing.I have strong language skills and understanding of fundamentals in service relationship.I have good communication and interpersonal skills and I am a keen team member and conversant with quality procedures, necessary for job.
Attaching my CV...
(whatever applies please give it to him .. strong language skills.. keen team member ..seems like 'was thrown out of many teams.. )
6. Subject – New Resume of ____ ________.
(Body – Blank … blank blank… )
7. sir
Am ______________ completed my *engineering in electronics and instrumentation
in 2010*. Apart from this i have also completed a certified program in
plc/scada/drives(industrial automation). Am sending you my resume just have
a look and let me know for the same.
(“I” has evaporated somewhere… or may be an apostrophe)
8. I'm sending resume.Please find the attachment
I am currently a fourth-year Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering student, and waiting for my last semester result & result will be published on with in 15.06.2011.
(Let his results get published on with in.. )
9. BCA + MBA
(No resume, only BCA + MBA)
10. I am _______ and I am doing my B.Tech from Techno India under W.B.U.T. I have completed my 8th semester examination and waiting fr my final result.
(What shall I do then???)
HERE GOES THE BEST ONE....
11. Dear sir.
Please check the attachment Resume File. Kindly Networking support engineer
Job position Interview Called Place in your company.
Kindly Check The Mail Request For Me.
(Only a British can understand this English.. not me)
This is PART - I.. Part - II to be released very soon.
* The applications have been posted as has been received by the writer.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Paid Jail… a search story :)
One of my friends from IIT has recently joined a reputed educational group in Ghaziabad.
His pursuit to pursue a career in the education industry erupted from the idea of further pursuing PhD.
After joining there, he was in search of a rented accommodation. He tries his luck (ya luck.. property rates have gone up.. and similarly rent … inflation hitting these areas as well :) ).
My friend and his current room partner came across one 3 BHK in Gzb, to their amazement the Landlady was too sober and cooperative. She explained everything about the area.. Needless to say females are polite and a bit liberal. My friend paid the advance amount of Rs. 4000/-.
My friend was happy.. Later in the day the LandLord arrived and the story of a paid jail started from there…
Rule no. 1: Boys, you are supposed to be back by 9:30 pm sharp. Else you will stay outside … if you are in you are in..else you will stay outside.
Rule no. 2: None of your friends will visit your flat (No parties, no hangouts… no Life at all)
Rule no. 3: No non-veg food allowed (What if I tell you that I am a big time non-veggie!!)
Rule no. 4: We will keep inspecting (Police ka kam yahi hai.. !!!)
It is a society where mostly police personnel stay.
There were few more clauses.. I think this much is enough to kill a guy.. that also who is paying for staying there. Everything was a contrast to what the Landlady mentioned earlier.
I was told about this thing yesterday and it kept me thinking about that place.. its like a paid cellar !
I hope you all might have understood the end by now.. These IITians decided not to stay there. And the advance amount is still with the Landlord... non-refundable... subject to purchase of an inverter worth Rs. 12, 000/-
Good investment by my friends for a paid jail.. :)
One of my friends from IIT has recently joined a reputed educational group in Ghaziabad.
His pursuit to pursue a career in the education industry erupted from the idea of further pursuing PhD.
After joining there, he was in search of a rented accommodation. He tries his luck (ya luck.. property rates have gone up.. and similarly rent … inflation hitting these areas as well :) ).
My friend and his current room partner came across one 3 BHK in Gzb, to their amazement the Landlady was too sober and cooperative. She explained everything about the area.. Needless to say females are polite and a bit liberal. My friend paid the advance amount of Rs. 4000/-.
My friend was happy.. Later in the day the LandLord arrived and the story of a paid jail started from there…
Rule no. 1: Boys, you are supposed to be back by 9:30 pm sharp. Else you will stay outside … if you are in you are in..else you will stay outside.
Rule no. 2: None of your friends will visit your flat (No parties, no hangouts… no Life at all)
Rule no. 3: No non-veg food allowed (What if I tell you that I am a big time non-veggie!!)
Rule no. 4: We will keep inspecting (Police ka kam yahi hai.. !!!)
It is a society where mostly police personnel stay.
There were few more clauses.. I think this much is enough to kill a guy.. that also who is paying for staying there. Everything was a contrast to what the Landlady mentioned earlier.
I was told about this thing yesterday and it kept me thinking about that place.. its like a paid cellar !
I hope you all might have understood the end by now.. These IITians decided not to stay there. And the advance amount is still with the Landlord... non-refundable... subject to purchase of an inverter worth Rs. 12, 000/-
Good investment by my friends for a paid jail.. :)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The sweet Corn:
I wanted to move towards her.. must be 55 something.. grey hair, worn out clothes and shaking hands..
.. then I saw a bunch of kids; laughing and playing on the same side of the road at some distance....
A thought crept into my mind, they both will lie.. but the reasons would differ.
On one hand for a kid it would be just fun, fun of making someone a fool without understanding the legitimate value of truth and lies. For them life hasn’t sprung up like a cough while having corn. Away from the dire consequences of life.... but amongst them also there is a lot which is deprived of everything and is bound to take a leap in the mud.
The other... the lady.. for her the reasons for lying would include her family members.. may be an ailing husband or grand children. For her life had been rigorous and would be .. till she doesn’t drop life in her way out of this world. She has done it in past and might have sold a lot.. and again she will do the same to convince an unwilling customer; for those who are easily convinced you don’t have to lie a lot.
I was watching sceptically.. still wondering.. which way to go...my feet grounded.. obviously I want to have the corn. The smell was pulling me towards the roadside...
A jerk ...
I realised that I am on a bike and not walking... I am brought back to the real scenario as I get over with those 15-20 seconds of thoughtful moments.
Even after 4 days the picture of corn appears in front of me.. not because of hunger.. but because of the two entirely opposite facets of life.... Both struggling, dying to live, lacking the basic senses.. which way life will go for them ??
... carrying the smell of that sweet corn along...
I wanted to move towards her.. must be 55 something.. grey hair, worn out clothes and shaking hands..
.. then I saw a bunch of kids; laughing and playing on the same side of the road at some distance....
A thought crept into my mind, they both will lie.. but the reasons would differ.
On one hand for a kid it would be just fun, fun of making someone a fool without understanding the legitimate value of truth and lies. For them life hasn’t sprung up like a cough while having corn. Away from the dire consequences of life.... but amongst them also there is a lot which is deprived of everything and is bound to take a leap in the mud.
The other... the lady.. for her the reasons for lying would include her family members.. may be an ailing husband or grand children. For her life had been rigorous and would be .. till she doesn’t drop life in her way out of this world. She has done it in past and might have sold a lot.. and again she will do the same to convince an unwilling customer; for those who are easily convinced you don’t have to lie a lot.
I was watching sceptically.. still wondering.. which way to go...my feet grounded.. obviously I want to have the corn. The smell was pulling me towards the roadside...
A jerk ...
I realised that I am on a bike and not walking... I am brought back to the real scenario as I get over with those 15-20 seconds of thoughtful moments.
Even after 4 days the picture of corn appears in front of me.. not because of hunger.. but because of the two entirely opposite facets of life.... Both struggling, dying to live, lacking the basic senses.. which way life will go for them ??
... carrying the smell of that sweet corn along...
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